Poverty

Proverbs 19:1 (ESV)

Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity

than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool.

I've had a lot happen over the last couple of years. I left a pretty lucrative job to move to Minnesota and start over. Then I got my dream job and the boss felt I was there to take over his spot. So my wife and I spent two years of hell trying to follow where we felt God leading us. Then without warning he 'fired' us by saying I was going to plant a church; with no money, people, or calling. Then after some severe family introspect we left ministry for a Sabbatical. I had great plans for this time, but it all fell short for this reason or that. All bringing me to this evening. My wife looks me in the eye and says we're at our end... financially. During our time as Pastors we didn't always get paid. Sometimes to keep the lights on, we paid with credit card, and the next month we didn't work hard to pay it off. As of this week our credit cards are full, there is nothing left in savings, and no paycheck until the end of the month.

How did we get here? Little by little over the last couple of years, but that really doesn't matter. It's not like I'm lazy about work. I have one part-time job. It pays well, with flexible hours, however, it has no potential for full time. I have sent out numerous resumes and applications but nothing. Everyone is afraid to hire a former pastor. They mostly fear that he will switch back to ministry (which I am praying about). Otherwise, they feel I am overqualified for the job. I hate to break it to you, but if I'm taking the time to apply, I want the job.

I wish we were in another position, but that is not the case. If you keep reading in Proverbs, it talks about how there are few friends for the poverty stricken. This year I have lost most of mine. It started with having to ask for money for the church plant and being disowned. Then when the decision came that we were sent by men and not called by God, I was yelled at from all different angles. It took a couple of months until people realized their actions were a strong proof of being sent by men. I'm not sure if they felt foolish for yelling at me or they were happy to move on, but I have yet to hear from a majority of them since that day. I also saw my friends drop on Facebook, those that I poured my heart and soul out to and into, left. My denomination wanted to send me to a psychologist instead of counseling me personally. I've had to deal with a substantial family fight.

All this to say, when you're at your lowest, sometimes God removes everyone so no one else can save you this time.

I have lost mentors to death, rejection, lies, and sin. I have now lost friends, family, and money to the same. God doesn't want you to rely on everyone else in order to survive. He wants you to be close to Him. If you struggle with friends, jobs, or even money and all of those things are slipping away from you. Maybe God is trying to get your attention. He is trying to say wake up and look back to me to supply what you need. I can do it. I will do it, if you let Me.

Three hours ago, I was in tears thinking the world was over. I had finally failed in the last way possible for my family. Right now, I'm looking at it as a wake-up call to rely on the favor of God. I don't know what, where, or how He will do it, but all I can do is trust Him. After all, that's what I have left.